15.2.04

..National Singles' Awareness Day.. [..be-lated..]

Like so many time before, I was starting to have trouble breathing with my face shoved in my pillow, so I lifted my head and got some air- the wind from my open window cooling my hot face, and drying my tears. Only moments ago, my best friend called to tell me about another event that had happened at school.. how another guy likes her, and how she's liked him forever.. and how she and him had finally had the kiss she had longed for.. she also explained how they aren't going to go out yet- they're not ready.. blah, blah, blah.. (a clip from my Journal)

This happened about three or four weeks ago, but I recalled it last night as if it had just occurred.

It makes me upset that my best friend has had a countless amount of boyfriends, and I've had 'one'..

Not that it should matter, eh?
Well it does for me.. just a bit.

I guess the boyfriend thing doesn't bug me as much as the fact that no guy has even taken an attempt to ask me out.

Why have a boyfriend? I mean, it's not that big a deal.. I suppose it's just the desire to feel beautiful..

Even so, Miko [best friend] has also aquired a number too high to count of admirers!
I gather she has at least one person [lesbians included] ask her out per day at school!

Okie.. so I may be exagerating, but that's what it feels like on the side lines!

Miko tries to make me feel better by saying that people believe she's a slut or easy..
but everyone, especially me, knows for a fact that she is really pretty!

Her struggle to smooth my insecurities are fatal..
I appreciate it, but not so much the fact that it reflects as poor lies to me..

But, alas.. Supposedly my soul mate is to come when he, or maybe even she, feels right..