20.5.07

[9 Days since my last Outburst]
and here I sit once more, anothing AP lit assignment due the next day.

and the fucking AP test was over a week ago.
At one point tonight, my soda spilled on the floor where I was working, and I didn't have any napkins, so in my frustration I just grabbed some lit work (multiple choice) and used the sheet of loose leaf to wipe my floor clean of dr. pepper. that helped me feel better. right in front of my mom too. she was just watching me. didn't say anything. I felt better.
So yeah. nevermind about this assignment. I'm just lazy.

As Jamesy reports, our last high school orchestra concert ever was the past friday. It was emotional. I missed our first four songs because the IDIOT who resheduled the lame dance show decided the final Spring Concert of the year wasn't worth hogging all its potential audience memebers. Not taking any consideration for multi-"talented" students who may be in BOTH organizations/classes, and so are required to perform in BOTH for grade credit.

No.

So the whole evening, I'm nervous about me running around to do the ONE dance we have to do for the damn dance show, afraid I'll miss all of my final orchestra performance.
So a fellow dancer calls me and tells me that I should run across the Quad from the auditorium to the large gym since it's one other number before it's our turn. I do, and EVERY TIME I attempted the cross the Quad from the auditorium to the gym or the gym to the auditorium some honcho and irritable security member/officer/administrator NEEDS to stop me and ALWAYS start with, "Excuse me, young lady..." and go on about how I'm not allowed to leave the concert and walk the campus or whatever, and EVERY TIME I have to tell someone new, "I'm in BOTH performances," fuck off. At one point this loser in a golf cart across the grass stops James and I (he's escorting me across the Quad to the gym by my request), and more than once I have to tell him, beating the information into his thick skull, "This is MY dance," fuck off.

The stupid administrators and security people always ASSUME that any student that doesn't blend in with crowd MUST be a delinquent.
That is why I don't like the school. Their damn government and politics.
Detentions are given out as many as thousands of germs we come in contact with everyday.
You can't turn a door knob without the risk.

They always look at you in disbelief, as if you're always lying. God, fuck off.

Because of poor planning by Mrs. H. I missed more than half of my concert. I missed more than half of my last time performing with Phoebe and Kyle and Mikey and Angie and Ana and Green. I missed more than half of my last time playing with Jamesy. Playing with my stand partner. It's gone. That moment I could have had is gone. Whatthefuck is that planning??

Not only that, but it was the best performance of those songs the fourth period has EVER performed?
Ironic much?
It's probably no coincidence I wasn't present for that.

Just ugh.
ugh.

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